She knew she had abandonment issues, how could she not, having been givenup for adoption as an infant. She hardly needed a shrink to tell herthat. Like duh-uh, you really think so, Dr. Gertzoff? Geez. It neverwould have occurred to me. You?re a genius. Please. The only thingtherapy had taught her was that it wasn't true that you could changesomething by talking about it, not even by understanding a problemclearly could you necessarily change it. The Dr. Gertzoffs of the worldseemed to think that if you could only see the problem in its entirety,talk about it incessantly, you could bore it to death. The idea was thatif you could understand why you did the irrational things you did, youcould walk yourself out of the dark forest you'd been lost in all yourlife using the revelatory map-and-light of self-understanding.But just take a look at her situation. True, she had a problem withintimacy, a fear of abandonment so strong that she abandoned othersbefore they could abandon her. Yet here. "I'm going to marry him."For years I went to sleep murmuring her name. April.I recognized her handwriting immediately when I saw the envelope. "I went to my 20th anniversary reunion, and I was thinking about you. Remember Mrs. K. from Spanish? She's retired now, but she was there. Then I saw your wife's note in last month's alumni magazine and I knew where you were and I decided to write."Dear god, what is it about high school girlfriends, anyway? There was something authentic, something real there, I knew it. The squirrels in my stomach told me so. It was like walking up to the girl's door on the night of the prom and knowing you're going to have to talk to her father before you can get your hands on her, all over again. In the case of April, there was still something special between us. I knew it, or at least that's what I told myself.A second chance. I wasn't getting any younger, so maybe it was my last chance. What was she like now? The photo she sent of herself and her toddler.
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